Miscellanea and Ephemeron
04/04/2006 Archived Entry: "J LHLS 9: More Minimalist Fiction"
More Minimalist Fiction
Janice decided one day to become a heroine, since that was what Nancy Drew was. She went for a long walk around her town and looked for mysteries to solve or people to help, but there really wasn't much to do. So she went home again then just decided to just be herself. Little did she know.
Danny had always wanted to be a professional tennis player, but he wasn't that good; in fact, he was so bad that they kicked him off the high school tennis team for contributing to the delinquency of the team. So he decided that the only way to become a top player was to kill all the other players. He plotted in secret for many years.
One day he met a pretty girl named Karen and they fell in love. They got married and had kids, and he forgot about tennis. It happened that he was watching Wide World of Sports on afternoon, however, and they were showing a tennis match. He chuckled softly to himself at the thought of his plans; then he pulled out his shotgun and blew the television into a million pieces. Karen came in and kissed him, and they lived happily.
Jeff was reading his favorite book one day, out in the garden under the tree. He closed his eyes for a moment; when he opened them, he realized he must have slept; for it was almost dusk. He looked at the book, and gasped in surprise, for he found he could not read it! The letters seemed wrong, and he could make no sense of the sentences.
"What will I do?" he cried. "I can't read anymore! I'll fail school! I won't be able to get a job! I'll rot!"
He ran inside and hastily threw the book at his father. "Dad! I've forgotten how to read!"
The man looked at this book and laughed. "No, you haven't, son. This book is in Serbo-Croatian."
Jeff grinned in relief. "Thanks, dad. For a minute there I was really worried!"
Susie had waited for the concert forever. Her most favorite group, her most favorite music, but even better, her most favorite sex object. Billy Snide was her ultimate!
She waited at the back door through the whole concert in hopes of seeing him; and just when it seemed she could wait no longer, there he was! She gasped and ran up to him, rubbing her leg against his.
"Oh, Billy, I love you so much!" she panted. She looked hopefully up at him with her big puppy dog eyes. "You're just divine! I want to bear your children," she continued.
"Get lost, rockhead," he muttered, shoving her out of the way. Later, she sued him for $250,000 for injuries received when she threw herself in front of his limo. She wanted to file a paternity suit, but her lawyer thought that was going a bit too far.
The old house on the edge of town looked even creepier up close. The carful of teenagers peered out the windows into the gathering dark. Even though they had heard horrible stories about what happened to anyone who went inside after dark, they were determined to find out for themselves the truth.
"I dare you to go in," Jane said to Peter.
"Not unless we all go," Eric said.
They got out and stopped outside the rusty iron gate. The wind blew cold and made the house creak and groan. Carol had a terrible cold feeling inside.
"Eric, I think this is a bad idea. I think something bad is going to happen if we go in," she whispered to her boyfriend.
Peter laughed. "Come on, don't be a baby!"
Eric laughed too. "Nah, she's right. Let's go get ice cream at the diner!"
They drove away and went back to their happy, busy lives. Next day the house was demolished and the best mall in the county was put up.
The Wapshott Press
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