Miscellanea and Ephemeron
02/04/2007 Archived Entry: "e-Book revew: Personal Leave"
Review by Lynn Loper
I'm not a writer. What little I know about writing a decent story I've learned from reading and from friends. One thing I learned, one thing that really stuck, was that stories have to be about people.
This story is not about people. It's about two dicks, and how their owners use them. It's so mechanical, so predictable, and so without any hint of erotic attraction that I can't say it worked for me as pornography. It's more like a badly-written how-to novel that leaves out the most important instructions.
The two guys in this book reliably make it for seven or eight pages. Then we have a few pages of Real Life – dinner, parents dying, that sort of thing – before they're at it again. And again. And again. Using the same words (and if the words 'fuck' and 'suck' were taken out of the language, this book would be about three pages long), doing the same things.
The author mistakes using sentence fragments for expressing strong emotions. It gets annoying. Even big, tough marines use full sentences sometimes, even while having sex.
The author has included so little description of anything – settings, characters, backgrounds – that it's like crouching in a hotel hallway and listening through a total stranger's keyhole. And the people you're listening to speak in shorthand. You know nothing about these people except that they have sex a lot, and nobody – the author or the characters – are going to give you any information. They're too busy, and after a while, you get bored and go away.
The Wapshott Press
Ontology on the go!
"Ontology on the Go!"
J LHLS mugs
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